I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
