please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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