Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
