if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
