this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
