so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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