Me too!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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