Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
