Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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