he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm always down for nudity.
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