i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sober January is a disaster.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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