Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i can't believe i had my finger in that
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
