My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
