Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
