So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
