I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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