Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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