Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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