And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
