So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
