Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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