im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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