Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
