good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
