I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
