he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
vagina is talking i cant
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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