I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
