I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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