I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
