I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
