it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
