the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He felt like a one man threesome
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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