Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
