Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
