Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize