Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
