A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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