I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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