You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
