no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
