I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
