One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
