Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
