so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
