Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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