my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
