If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
