Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
