i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
