If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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