you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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