I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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