I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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