Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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