I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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