Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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