I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
