The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
