i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
