Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
