i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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