Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
