My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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