we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
