If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
