I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
