They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
