too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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