This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
