I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
