the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
