im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
