Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
